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Monday, May 2, 2011

a new phase in life

its been 8 months - to date - since i had my uterus and right ovary removed ( or was it the left?). i'd been asked on several occasion how life is any different from what it was? well, aside from being free of a monthly visitor pretty much the same i always say...until these past couple of months.
since one of my ovaries has been taken out i prepared myself to accept the fact that sooner than expected i will be going to a phase in life most women - if not all - is dreading about .... menopause. it never crossed my mind it will come this early as i thought i still got another five years - at least - before i come face to face with it. the first tell tale sign appears innocent enough that i never given it another thought - i find it difficult to sleep at night. i took that as i sign of my addiction to photography - i do my editing at night, you see - sadly, it isn't so. sign after sign started to emerge. subtle at first then it hits me hard and i find myself in a whirlpool of strong emotions quite new to me. the hot flushes though mild is somewhat petrifying. i feel my face warming to a point that i do not have to look in the mirror to see i am red face. i find myself difficult to focus these days. it takes a lot of effort to remain attentive to what i do - a stark contrast to what i used to be. i know, patience is not my virtue and says on few occasion it is and will always be my achilles. now, i find myself getting easily irritated on matters not even worth mentioning for its banality. activities of daily living i normally performed without breaking a sweat is now very exhausting to me.the long list never ends and i am dealing with it positively as i can. i am a nurse and i thought that alone will give me a leeway to prepare myself for this. no..... nothing can brace one for it, regardless how well equipped you may think you are.i would not mind all these if not for the fact that people i dearly love suffers most in all these changes that is happening to me. i am lucky to have my hubby besides me, trying very hard to understand and see past my shortcomings and a daughter though too young to grasp what's going on with me and yet always forgiving of my frailty. saying sorry to them everyday isn't enough. i decided to see my GP to confirm of my ever growing fear and get some help on how can i cope effectively with all these - fingers cross its just my overly active imagination playing dirty tricks on me....i hope and i pray.
why share such a very personal aspect of my life to the rest of the world? writing is therapeutic as i always says and it is consoling to know that i am not alone. women before me has gone through the same phase and women after me will walk the same path. somehow, that knowledge gives me comfort that this is just another hurdle that needs to be overcome, one small step at a time.


  1. This is exactly what I have been looking for... a true and honest sharing of what a woman goes through during menopause. I am suspecting that the "night sweats" during winter time and the sudden swing of moods which was never me is now happening. This is so real, this is coming to me too and having this information in mind will help me prepare when the actual day comes.

    Thank you so much Eng for this wonderful piece of information and for sharing a very personal piece of you again.

    Much appreciated dear girlfriend !!!!

  2. Eng, this is very informative! I agree with Chay, I am sure this will come very helpful to a lot of women who are apprehensive about the big word -Menopause! Much as I would want to come out in the open -I do not have much to share!

    Like you girl, am a member of the hyster-sisters (hysterectomy). The thing is, I wish I can be helpful, but I vaguely remember my experience. Perhaps I did not pay much attention to it. You guys know me so well, I have no inhibition about spilling out my guts, my sentiments!(during our friendter blog days) But sadly menopause seemed to have come and gone without me noticing it!

    Now, this I will mention in the hope that it will be helpful. The thing I really got worried the most during the early part of my premature menopause days (some two years past) is what some call sexual dryness. I heard some hearsay about some women losing appetite for sex, but er... it never happened to me. I am not at all inhibited to mention this, so other readers will know it's a case to case basis.

    If I recall harder, I can remember some mood swings -and some bouts of sentimentality. I did have the hot flushes for some time - I think around the first year.

    Girl, I commend you for paying attention to all these things. By doing this, you can now avoid making the people close to you suffer. Forewarned is forearmed!

    On the brighter side of things, girl, it will all pass. It's a temporary thing. Like what you said, just pay attention to the good points, no more monthly period and no more pills! Hahaha! Ring me or email me any time you feel like talking... am here! :)

  3. Eng, thanks so much for sharing this very helpful post to us who soon will experience this as well. I have been fearing about this for myself too, I do not know when it will come and if what I have heard such as hot flushes, temper, etc really happens, and hearing from you, it really does! But you gave us a very good example Eng, saying "sorry" everyday is not enough, I admire you for taking the actions and seeking help, you are giving us light what to do too if we get those symptoms. About the writing, I agree with you Eng, writing is very liberating, so I understand, and I can't thank you enough for openly sharing your experience with us so that we learn and be affirmed that there is nothing wrong with us, but we can do something about it.

    Thanks a lot again Eng, hugs!!!!

  4. Eng, your honesty is commendable! I went through menopause young too, and when the doctor wanted to put me back on track, I refused. I couldn't imagine going through all the hot flashes and sweat again in the middle of the night.

  5. Your honesty and bravery on the subject is wonderful. I've already gone through it and as much as I complained about the hot flashes and mood swings, now it's much like a distant memory I don't even remember. Many women are fearful of it but it only gets better and like you my "appetite" has not been suppressed at all :D

  6. I am there too, the hot flashes bother me the most. I am up every hour. I hope you find a way to handle it. Beautiful flower and photo.

  7. first off, i really love the flower you picked to go with this awesome post, eng! what is it? (the flower?) just like everyone else, i am touched by your honesty in sharing this new phase in your life that many women refuse to acknowledge or talk about, specially in public. i have not gotten there yet, but what you said at the end of the post is so true: this is not something new really. many women before you have experienced this M thing. and many more people, me included, will also go through this eventually. it's just a matter of time. your honesty on the subject, and everyone's positive reaction, give me courage that when i reach this phase in my life probably in the next decade, i will have a bunch of caring sisters who will be there to give me their full support and tell me it is just a normal part of life, nothing to panic out about:) so thank you, eng, for sharing!

  8. tough!...a destiny we all share as women (biology is destiny?)...menopausal phase scares the wit out me...i just hope it doesn't happen anytime soon...or it will be utterly confusing to identify if it's my midlife crisis, postpartum depression or my being menopausal that's causing all the hassles...hehehe

    i agree with you ms. eng, battle it with writing and your love for photography...because though we may not help relieving your discomforts...you are assured we will share the loads of whatever creative tantrums you will throw us with...we love you girl..."kahit maputi na ang buhok natin". (winks!)

  9. hi there Esmeralda Odette....my OB did her best to save my uterus when i had my myomectomy a year and a half ago...i am so glad she did...i wanted her to take it out for fear of recurrence but she said she will try to keep it..she had to do bitubal ligation though so gone is my dream to have a baby girl...but i already have to boys and the happiness they bring is more than enough to thank the Lord for...being a woman is such an ordeal at times...yeah with all those signs and symptoms connected with being female...i am with you all the way...always ready to listen at times when you need to blurt it all out....and how i missed reading your thoughts sis...hugs to your beautiful Ysa...viewing her candid shots every now and then is such a joy to the heart...mwah!

  10. Eng and Tesya, hope you don't mind, but I wanted to copy and send your messages to one of my friends who just went through hysterectomy. This will help her get an idea of what to expect after her surgery.

    Thanks guys !




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